Tails to Toddlerhood

I was having a really bad day and wrote him a depressing letter on how bad it's been. The next day I apologised to him because he dosen't need to hear that from me right now.

Today I got his letter he wrote about it. He told me that I'm such a strong person, and that he is so proud to call me his wife.

I SO totally needed to hear that. It makes me feel like I can do this and that everything is going to be ok. Man oh man do I love him...I can't wait to see him. 3 weeks!! YEY! 21 days!! Only 19 until I leave to go to Oklahoma. I'm so excited!!

I got Mak a little potty today. We went and she picked her own out. Yesterday she came to me with a diaper, when I went to change her she had just started to poop. I asked her if she wanted to go set on the potty and she ran to the bathroom. She freaked out when I put the potty seat on the big potty. So, we got her a little one. Got home and I set it up for her. She sat on it clothed and when I went to chang her for her nap I asked if she wanted to set on it. She did, but didn't do anything. So I went to put her diaper back on and she threw a FIT. I put her back on it and she sat there. She finally went pee in it!! I was so happy. She looked at the potty then at me and she closed the lid and ran off...I went to her room to put her diaper on and she had pooped on the floor LOL.

Well both kids are sleeping. I should get some work done. I'm tired though, so I don't know what I'll do. LOL.

So, last week was a bad week. I did fine during the day, but at night I'd lose it. The girls have been at each others throats! Hopefully this week will be better!

I got to see a picture of Jeremy coming out of the gas chamber. He didn't look like he had too much fun in there. LOL. I know I wouldn't! I also seen his bunk mate, he was in front of him in the picture. Yesterday when I talked to him (for over 2 hours!!) I asked if I was going to get to meet any of the guys in his platoon. I guess his bunk mates wife wants us all to go out to dinner. That is kinda cool.

I also found out what Maddie wants to be for Halloween. Pirate! LOL. I thought that was cool, but now think it's even cooler because 4th platoon (Jeremy's platoon) are the Raiders...and their mascot thing is a Pirate!! That made it even cooler and Jeremy is very happy. He even told his bunk mate and I heard him say "That's F*cking awesome!!" :)

3 weeks and 4 day's until we get to see him. I'm so excited!! He told me yesterday that his graduation day they are doing a battery run. It's a 6 mile run (they wake up every morning and the whole battery (221 guys) runs) and family is invited to join them on their last run. Of course Jeremy asked if I was going to do it and I laughed. He said "You probably wouldn't even get out of bed at 4:30 to do it" so now I'm on a mission. I'm going to start running, and I'll prove to him that I CAN get up that early. Now weather or not I make it through the 6 miles or not is another story. I will be bequeathing my assets just in case I don't make it. LOL.

Well, I should get the kids fed and ready for bed. We are going to MEPS tomorrow to see my sis off. She is leaving for BCT also. Now that everyone that's helped me through this is gone I don't know what I'm going to do. She's listened to me cry on the phone...I'll figure something out though :)

Most the day was ok. But right now it all seems bad. I miss Jer SO much right now. I feel heart broken...All I want to do is cry.

I got to see a picture of him from a few weeks ago...that might be why I'm like this. I just want this to be over with!!

I can't sleep at night...I just lay there for hours! OMG. This is taking forever!

That's what I have been doing. It feels like that's all I have been doing. Yesterday I was in there cleaning my room...the youngest comes in "wha doin?" I said, "cleaning" she goes "why?" "because mommy needs to clean her room" "why" "it's dirty" "why"....On and on with "WHY?" already! She's only 1 1/2! UGH.

But, you can see my floor now :D and pretty much my dresser. I even cleaned out the closet. I just have to go through and get rid of clothes now. That will take forever! I just want to get stuff ready for us to move now, that way when DH gets home I won't have to do any of that when I could be spending time with him. He says that I'm not leaving his side once he gets home. I said something about going to a spa and leaving him with the girls and he said no, we are going to both go get full body massages...ugh. There goes my spa day!

I can not wait until he gets home! Things should start going by even faster once his graduation gets here. We will be in Oklahoma for his graduation the 16th. I will be home for 2 weeks then on my way to Texas and Oklahoma. Then home for 2 weeks and on my way to South Carolina and then Oklahoma. That will be my last trip to Oklahoma unless they station us there.

I hate not knowing where we are going! It sucks so bad! Then I find out there is a rumor going around that they are taking his MOS and another MOS and making a new MOS...if that happens he won't start AIT for 2 months after he graduates. UGH!! That would suck only if he has to stay there and we have to stay here. If he can come home in between that then it would be ok. But I couldn't take 2 more months of this crap! I miss almost everything about him...everything but the farting. I could do with out that!

Well I should get off here. I have more cleaning to do...I need to find a way to get rid of fleas too. They are all over in the house. UGH!

Well today was a good day. The girls were really good. We went to my grandparents house and had a family get together. My great aunt and uncle came from the west coast and I had never met them before. Some of my family think that my Great Grandma was hanging on in hopes that they would make it out here and that now that they came out she will let go. So it might not be to long, which is sad to think about. She's lived a full life though. Makes me sad to think about leaving now...

My grandparents live at the lake but today it wasn't warm enough to go swimming. Well, Mak was the one to get into the water anyway. LOL. She got in up to her knees then Maddie noticed and went in after her...so both my kids were wet. Go figure. Other than they they were great! I wish we had more days like this.

I need to find activities that we could do to keep them busy or something that way they are not just driving me crazy. I'm sure I can come up with something. Plus with school starting she should be busy. Plus we will get time apart during the week.

I think the time apart will make Jeremy and I a lot closer. He's started to apologise for the way he's treated me (which wasn't bad all the time) and for not helping me out more around the house and with the girls. He says that when he gets home he will prove how sorry he is. I told him I'm keeping all the letters as proof and will hold him to it. LOL.

1 month 16 days until I get to see him! I'm excited! I can't wait to see him. I miss him so much!

Ok, so here I am trying to blog again. There has been so much that has happened that I don't know where to start.

Jeremy left August 3rd. It's been hard on both of us. He misses the girls and I. We miss him. Maddie has adjusted better than I thought she would actually. I thought it would be crying and "I want daddy" every day. It's only been a few times, and she really wants him when she's getting into trouble. Mak, she never asks for him. One day last week I heard her saying "dad dad dad" and looked and she was walking around carrying one of his shirts. It was a heart breaking moment.

Me, well I'm doing the best I can. I'm strong for the girls during the day, but at night it's real hard. Some nights I cry and can't stop, but it's not sobbing hysterically it's just crying. We have never been away from each other for this long, or this far away. It's really hard being here with everything screaming "Jeremy". It's just going to take a while to get use to. I'm sure I will soon.

Maddie starts school the 9th. That should help the time go by fast. She will be in 3 day's this year, she's excited.

Mak is in her terrible 2's already. Every time I tell her to do something she says "no". UGH. I don't know what to do to get her to stop.

We were supposed to go to the Zoo tomorrow, but it's supposed to rain. Plus my aunt and uncle are coming in from the west coast to see my Great Grandma. She's not doing so well and a few people think that she was holding on just to see them again. I would rather go to the get together than the Zoo...it will always be there and I don't remember the last time I seen them.

I'm trying to lose weight before I go to Oklahoma to see Jeremy. He's going to lose so much during BCT he will look so different. I want to "change" and surprise him. LOL. I'm down almost 10 pounds...I have actually started working out the past few days. Hopefully I can keep it up. It's hard with no one to push me to do it. So far doing it at night is easier when both kids are in bed. We will see how this goes.

Well there is a run down of the past few months...

So far our minds have been changed about a million times. Texas, Georgia, Texas, North Carolina...omg. Plus, I have had panic attacks a lot too. It is so hard to "go with the flow" when your not the type of person that does that sort of thing.

Jeremy is doing Future Soilder training on Thursdays. Trying to go for his PFC before he goes to basic. That will be great!

I'm thinking about visiting my friend in Texas, just to see what it's like living on base. Might do that while he is gone...Would work out great if I could do it right before his graduation, then I wouldn't have a big drive from there to Oklahoma. But, my aunt is driving with me to graduation. Apparently I can't do it alone...Problem is, if Jeremy get's a weekend pass he won't have to be back on base until 6pm on Sunday evening, and she wants to be back to work on Monday. I don't want to miss a WHOLE day with him just to get her back to work. Ugh. I guess it will get figured out sooner or later.

I'm so ready to get out of here. Away from certain people *cough*MIL*cough*. She is driving me crazy. Every little thing she does anymore...but whatever. Hopefully even if we are in Texas and she moves to Texas she will be 3 hours away...won't have to see her that often. North Carolina would be great because she wouldn't go there. I'm mean I know...

The girls are doing good, Maddie had a field trip to the zoo. It was fun. We got to all go as a family for really cheap, and walk around by ourselves. They have another field trip coming up, but I didn't get a permission slip for, will have to get that and turn it in tomorrow, since that's the day they want them back.

Well, that's all for now. Off to cook dinner.